I sit here typing on this Wednesday afternoon with shaky hands, somewhat worn out. See, I’m home alone for the first time in a while. The living room window is open and the sun is shining through all serene. And I have spent the past couple of hours back in my dark bedroom with my literal bag of dicks and other accessories. A towel laid out because I have a tendency to squirt when I get off. However, sometimes it takes a few tries.
It all started as I sat talking dirty to my lover, Daniel, on the messenger app on my phone. I began talking about sharing a man with him. Thinking how I would love us both to work on sucking this man’s cock. It’s big and dark and since I have been practicing on deep throating I let my lover grab me by the hair and push my face down as I have this big cock in my mouth. I make it half way before I gag and have to pull back a bit, slobber running down my chin and into this man’s pubes. Then it’s my lover’s turn. Daniel takes this man’s member in his hand and begins working it, twisting his mouth around as he goes deeper and deeper. Then I do the same to him, grabbing him by his hair (which is much shorter than mine but still works). He takes it all down to the end, gagging a little but regaining his composure. I’m so in awe of him.
Our messages back and forth continue in this dirty manner quite often. We even use a code word to let the other one know it’s time to calm it down. Usually he uses his after he’s come and no longer in the mood for sexy talk. Mine, well…I chose Kool-Aid. Why? Because of that stupid commercial where the Kool-Aid man just comes busting through the wall wanting everyone to drink his fucking sweet sugar water. In the same sense I tend to do this in conversations with Daniel. What are you doing? Hanging out with your mom? Well that’s cool and all. Do you remember that time when we first met and you began choking me while fucking me up the ass and I freaked out and started crying!? Suddenly I’m off on that tangent until he says the magic words to bring me back down: Kool-Aid. In my experience I’ve found it’s important to have safety words not only when it comes to BDSM. This is especially true now with the digital world where we come barging into someone’s life digitally with text messages, phone apps like Kik or WhatsApp, social media messengers. And the occasional actual phone call *gasp* from someone.
So after a bit of dirty talk I suddenly found myself carousing Pornhub trying to find the video that just really did it for me: the one closely enough imitating what was going on in my head. Pornhub? Nah. Three different times there were 0 (zero) videos for my search. Mind as I sit looking through these I have my good friend Blue (see my other blog about this fella) shoved up my ass as I rock back and forth on the floor as it pushes a little in me when I hit center. Who knew a butt plug could improve your posture?
I broke out the Satisfyer Pro using it then set it aside a few times because I thought I had found the video I wanted but then didn’t. And yes I know I had previously said I would probably return this crazy machine; however, it has grown on me and become a daily use item. Guaranteed to get off which I will explain in a minute. I decided to just use my fat dildo with a suction cup and get off that way. I had given up on finding a video. Laying back on the floor, my ass full of a blue knobby thing I began fucking myself with the dildo. I was getting excited but suddenly my phone buzzed. It was Danny responding to the last thing I’d sent. This brought me back out of everything and back on the mission to find a good video. I told him how I was looking through porn and he said Pornhub seems a little soft for my tastes. This is one of the many reasons I like this guy. He gets me. So I find myself inspired to search again.
Keezmovies? A little better but still not quite getting it. Sometimes they really deliver (I will never forget the kinky dominatrix video I saw on there that inspired my dom side to shine through. It hasn’t gone away. I still have Maîtresse in there commanding men with my eyes and gestures. Hmm, there’s a link I’m forgetting? Oh yes! Xnxx! I put in the search and find it: Horny Bi Sex Party Extravaganza. There. That is the one. By this point I don’t want anything penetrating me. I remove the butt plug and go clean it off. As I stroll through I suddenly remember my living room window is wide open the curtains pulled back. I’m just strolling through with only a tshirt on that doesn’t cover any of my bottom half. I slightly pull it down and run back to my room. It’s a lovely day outside and I just hope that no one is taking a leisurely stroll and see me looking wild and crazy because I’ve just been lazily fucking myself for the past hour or so.
I get back to my bedroom floor: back to the towel. Back to the video. Back to the Satisfyer Pro 2 (SP2). I go digging through my bag of goodies for lube because I have found it creates a seal on the ring that goes around my clit making the machine even more intense. I find a clit sensitizer I purchased at a sex toy party a while back. I got a few other items that night and let me just say…do not buy toys from Pure Romance. They are absolute crap and overpriced. Oh yeah and they don’t have a return policy. Fuck that company. Anyway, I use the enhancer and then place the SP2 on my clit. I’ve used it quite a bit since my original review so placement has become quite familiar. I turn it up a notch. Then another. Goddamit I need to charge it soon. Possibly after every use. But at this point I am determined to get off. The video is showing men and women sucking and fucking each other. My little SP2 is buzzing away as I turn it up a few more notches. Oops went all the way up and the speed is now going down. I work it all the way down and back up again.
Suddenly it clicks. It hits that spot. My body twitches involuntarily. My back arches and I tense up, mouth agape. I’m there. I’m losing it, moaning and cussing, clawing at the carpet. I orgasm but don’t squirt this time. And I leave it right where it was but circle it around a bit. The SP2 has a little suction so when you do this it tugs a little at the hood and feels amazing, kind of like someone sucking on your clit. I use my index and middle finger from my other hand to push down on each side of my hood pulling the skin tighter. Body twitches involuntarily again. I close my eyes. I’m seeing shit. I’m floating. I’m zen. This fucking machine imitates the higher plane of meditation. It is fucking insane. It takes leaving it on even after you’ve orgasmed to reach this place. I move it around a bit again until I find that spot. The one that reminds me of grabbing a cat by the back of its neck and picking it up holding its skin. It doesn’t squirm or move. It’s immobilized in some strange way for a moment. This is the same effect. I contort again in my pre-orgasmic trance suddenly my hips are bucking up and I’m moaning uncontrollably. I orgasm again but don’t come. What in the fuck!?
Now, I know this is not the norm. Some women get off and they’re good. Some women don’t come. And that’s all good; however, I am like a man and if I don’t actually come I become highly irritable and agitated. Blue balls if you will. Except…blue…clit? What would that be called? Is there a name for it? Google. Oh. My. God. Yes. I’m laughing now. According to Urban Dictionary this phenomenon is called “Blue Bean.” Why didn’t I think of that!? Back to the story/review/rambling
I take the SP2 off and put more clit sensitizer on. I put the SP2 back on my clit, this time pushing down and rubbing it back and forth actually working to make myself come. I was trying my damnedest to just be lazy but now I’m desperate. The SP2 is at its highest setting. I’m rotating the white padded thing around, using my other hand to rub back and forth on both sides of my hood. If you really want to know, the right side is the winner for women. I’m not sure what magical button is in there but it seems the right side really is the right side. Don’t believe me? There’s an author out there, Tim Ferris, wrote a chapter in one of his books called the Fifteen Minute Orgasm. Now. In this chapter even HE talks of that spot on the right side. And the SP2 seems to imitate what he describes you should do to a woman to make the fifteen minute orgasm happen. Read it. Then have your woman thank me later. Where was I?
I am working myself suddenly finding myself on that ethereal plane again. My whole body is buzzing. My head feels warm and fuzzy. I suddenly wish I had a cock down my throat thinking I could deep throat a guy now because I’m numb everywhere except my clit area. I’m not even paying attention to the video orgy happening on my phone. Their moans and slaps are just white noise. Then it happens. Third time’s a charm. That body twitch followed by arching making Emily Rose look like a beginner. Some crazy Christians would swear I was possessed if they saw me in this way. I come. It’s like a squirt gun this time. Coming out I assume between contractions of my body brought on by the evil devil SP2 machine. Just like a man comes. Squirt squirt squirt as my hips thrust.
I finally turn the damned machine off. Laying on the towel on the floor giggling to myself. My inner thighs are dripping. I’m lightly dragging my nails over my thighs and hips. I am at peace. This is nice. This is a lovely day. The Satisfyer Pro 2 lives up to its name to say the least. I’m sorry about my first review. This thing is a keeper.